if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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