For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
