Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
