i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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