Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
