i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
