Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize