I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize