Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
