I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I supernannyed him into submission
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
