I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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