dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
