he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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