Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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