whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
