guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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