I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
