I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
