I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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