Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
