I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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