Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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