Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
