is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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