my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
