Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
