So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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