He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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