Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
