I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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