I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he high fived his dick after we had sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
