Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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