I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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