just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
