weddingsv make me drug and hornr
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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