proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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