I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
