I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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