I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am mentally ready for anal.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
