can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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