Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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