They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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