cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
