There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
