there's paper in my vomit.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
