did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
