i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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