Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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