my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
