Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
