Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I could make wine with my vomit
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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