the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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