i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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