HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
