don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
