I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
