somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
