I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
