mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize