the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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