I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
