well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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