That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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