That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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