im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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