Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Soap is not a condiment
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
