Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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