I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
They have beer where we have blood.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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