glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
