Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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