Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
